Two Years Later

by Susan Jacobs

[Picture take on August 15, 2007 in San Franciso, CA]

Two years later…
Where are the antagonizing words?
Slipping through your ash-ridden lips
How about the safety of your grasp?
Overtaken by your thrashing

I miss you laugh
I miss you smile
That was hidden by this rancid substance
As you fell through my fingers
Further and further
So far away
When does love have to retract?
Pills scatter on the hardwood floor
Each with a distinctive patter
But you saw nothing wrong
With the pocket rattle
This was all too familiar
Although, you missed the gasps
As I would watch you wince
As you attempted fakeness
One forced, flaky, outer contentment
Untouchable after the sun went down
Other times, worse when it has risen
Found by lovers in worst- care scenarios
Bashed on the floor by oneself
With that haunting hospital ring
Somewhere I could not go
Because you were no longer mine
By your dismissive angst
Alcohol became your new girl
Nude and welcoming
Only she treated you much differently
Gaining your sad dependence
Your mind and body
Until fully stripped, gone, and literally wasted
Permanent love was ultimately tainted.