Playing in the Palms of Power

One match lit
Another burns it out
You spit
I strike
Break
Please stay
Later it's "go away"
Aching for your arms
Never laying too long
A spark means a fight
A grasp shows whose won
Call me your savior
Or call me your latest regret
It's fuel for the game

"Unthinkable"

What a movie, a film that I did not hear much about at all.  Perhaps it is due to the fact that I have not had cable in over a year by choice because I find myself sitting at home too often when I have access...

Anyway, I'm glad we watched it.  I was at the impersonal Red Box yesterday afternoon looking for a film to enjoy on a rainy day. I thought ok, another Samuel L. Jackson film...was a bit hesitant and ended up being persuaded by a fellow who had just returned the movie "Unthinkable" and said it was "pretty good". Pretty good was a definite understatement.

This movie was shocking (in a splendid way) from start to finish.  It kept you wondering and awestruck at the possibility that things like this could happen or heck, do happen and we as normal citizens (or civilians as the film would say) never know a bit of this occurs.  Nuclear weapons and the contacts of one individual through Russian and Islam portray the tale of a passionate man destined to make a point at the expense of any and all torture.  Samuel L. Jackson did wonders for this part and there were not many other influential actors that I could have viewed in this role.  Hey, I'm not a movie critic, but I do not care what they say, I recommend it.

10 Year Prelude

Yesterday, I finally had the opportunity to visit "The City" and I had not truly been there since I was 13 years old.  (The only time proceeding that had been 2 years ago simply to get from Port Authority to JFK to fly away to Denmark.) But since 13, opinions have changed and certainly developed.  I mean, who really knows much about who they are when they are still in middle school.  (Not to mention I have to consider the fact that since 13 I graduated middle school, high school, college and lived in RI, MA, and NY with trips around the country and the world.)  Life, you are amazing and phenomenal.  I love how many outrageous and eye-opening events can occur in just a decade. :-D


(With that said, I could not be more thankful for more my short and long-term relationships that I have built; not to mention some of the enemies and acquaintances.  I have learned something from each and every one of you.) 

In the matter of 6 hours, we were able to visit the Brooklyn Bridge, Canal St., Chinatown, Little Italy, Flushing, NY (Queens), a lovely sushi place and Hookah.  I had a blast with my friend of 12 years...who I actually have known since those "middle school years" when I was only 11.  

And Flushing, NY...I chuckled when I was there.  The population appears to be around 85-90% Asian and the advertising and targeting was shocking.  I found myself awestruck at how American stores had fully repositioned themselves within the Asian culture. The only 2 places that solely displayed the English language were Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks.  I even happily took a snapshot of a McDonald's billboard with the Mandarin language and symbols. 

I love NYC and I can not wait to go back again...after all I do have $14 left on my metro card. ;-)

Don't Ever Change

So much has occurred.  I find myself without time to stop, or sleep, or share stories...just talked to 2 of my best friends that I have not had an in depth conversation with in over a month! It was so nice to hear your voice again.

I feel like I am taking part in this race against myself...I'm winning, but I am still trying to keep up.

Things have been up and down with the relationship. (I love you but I fear that we can't think straight sometimes...)

The test I referred to last entry... :-D :-D I received a 98.73% on with only 1 out of 80 questions wrong!! I received the best grade in my training class and I was the only person who had no previous health care experience :-O.  What is meant to happen always will.

Ah life...you are coming along and we are gradually starting to step in stride toward that common direction.

One of the best things was the fact that I could share my passion for reptiles and snakes with the entire 65 person marketing staff and have the Regional Director, Team Supervisor, and select representatives approach me with their similar strange love and fascination.

The other night I met the Catering Director of the Crowne Plaza in downtown Albany...we exchanged cards and stories and I made a connection with this amazing person.  He is all that defines the word mentor and I am looking forward to learning so much from this individual.  Someone who shares the same passion for non-profits, Arizona, and Sociology.  Networking can feel terrific.  

"Don't ever change keep your essence."- Tupac

THANK YOU

The next phase of my life starts on Monday...I can not even explain how nervous I am.  This morning has been spent filling out paperwork toward this step and I still have about 40 additional pages of company reading to do.  Then comes the 3 weeks of training and a test of which I must pass with a 85% to continue working here.  No more YMCA, I have truly moved on to the big companies now. 

It feels weird.  I am happy that I have been able to stay true to myself and have been able to still work for a not-for-profit that represents a cause, a mission, children, and finding oneself.  The diversity within this company alone is remarkable.

I can't lie, I love Albany, and I have been truly blessed to find a career here that offers more compensation, benefits, and a healthier environment, I am just extremely anxious for this all to begin. 

What is Success?

            The definition of success- 1) favorable outcome 2) gaining of wealth and fame 3) attain a desired object or end. -- Thanks Webster

But what is success to each and every one of us.  And what is it about being still and content that makes an individual happy?  Is it our generation that simply possesses this thirst?  The need for self-fulfillment  that perhaps other generations did not strive for.  Which leads to the reason why the word strive is in fact permanently etched in my body above my heart and below my left shoulder.  How can one strive and settle?

To me, settling can be a comfort that activates a person if the environment in fact inspires them.  8 simple, short hours of solitude in an open, welcoming, and expressive atmosphere opened my eyes to what I could be and how far I have truly come to settle for the mere beginning result.  How many people welcomed me, my differences and embraced them within hours...

I am so thankful to have the Uncles (or as they say Aunts) and Grandmother that I do.  These precious family members have gracefully helped me to overcome the obstacles that the rest of my family have weighed me down with.  They have handed me the faith that they housed when they were my age to encourage me to get out of here and pursue my goals...follow my heart and never back down.

As a result, we have found a gorgeous place, I accomplished something that I never foresaw possible today in itself and there is so much more to come.

My advice is...do not, NOT get caught up in a negative environment ridden with influences that made bad choices and only want to see you do the same.  GET OUT find you release and run with it.  Let that smile come to your face, find who you are, gather those inspirational, motivating individuals in your life and ENJOY.  :-) ;-) <3

Smiles All Around Equal a New Happier Chapter

Because your moving words couldn't move me
Instead I remained still
Still at the fact that I was invisible
Yet strong and important
Week and meager in their presence
Meaningless to the naked eye
Yet trapped where it means the most
Where everything matters
Since NOTHING happens
Boring and cold except for words
Rumors equal sanity
Even though they are pointless EVERYWHERE else
I have no care here.

That's why I'm leaving

Ahhhhhh, the breath of relief. 

Where Do You Fit In?

Because I still get butterflies thinking of you
Like a school crush
The breaking of sunlight
Or cold ocean water
It mocks the first time you walked through those doors
Your instant approach
Temptation glowing through icy eyes
You were playful as our tension aroused
And goose bumps flooded bare skin
Words were trapped under nervous breaths
Yet one year later...
Who knew?
Who knew that I'd still be thinking of you?
With wild butterflies, every time I envision those eyes